I Know Exactly What Kind of Man I Want to Date. Why Can’t I Find Him?

Dear E. Jean: I live in a vibrant city, I have a job that is stimulating and friends I love, and yet I have trouble meeting men. It’s like I’m caught in a Venn diagram with only a small number of guys in the intersection. I’m an atheist, a feminist, and child-free—important qualities and beliefs that any of my prospective partners must share. I’m also lucky to have an IQ that consistently tests over 140 and would love to find someone similarly lucky.

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I’m completely open to dating fit men (they should be very into exercise) of any race, height, appearance, or income. So, you see, I’m very reasonable about some things! The icing on the cake: I’m into many forms of nonvanilla sex. Yet this restricts my search even more. Given the cross section of qualities I’m seeking, do you have any advice? —Empty Venn Diagram

Venn, My Violet: I know you’re a nonbeliever, Venn, honey, but God Herself couldn’t find a chap who fits into this diagram. Get rid of it.

The heroic requirements bristling in your letter boil down to just three—which I will reveal at the end of this answer. So now, Miss Venn, let us turn to the real question: Who is more successful at finding love? Women with long lists of romantic requirements? Or women with short lists?

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My colleague Kenneth Shaw and I took the weekend and analyzed 30 days’ worth of data from Tawkify, the matchmaking company we cofounded five years ago, which has grown into one of the largest in the nation. The results: Looking at the 1,047 dates we sent out (evening strolls, polo matches, picnics, wine tastings, scavenger hunts, etc.) in the month of May, the women (we didn’t analyze the men) who stipulated eight or fewer requirements for potential mates enjoyed nearly threetimes the success of women who listed between 9 and 34 requirements. (We define “success” as both people on the date wanting to see each other again.)

A chick with an IQ of 140 (and only one-fourth of 1 percent of the human population has an IQ as high as yours) cannot have much difficulty in comprehending why the short-list women tore the long-list women to shreds. A short-lister is open to the queenhell possibilities. A chap has a chance to captivate a short-lister with attractions she didn’t even know she wanted, and when a woman is captivated, it ignites a powerful fire in a fellow.

So, old girl, shall we give a boost to your love life and whittle down that list of yours? I advise you to seek a smart, open-minded guy who will tie you to the shower-curtain rod.

What kind of Facebook user are you? — ScienceDaily

On an average day, 1.28 billion people check it. Monthly? Nearly 2 billion. And according to one recent estimate, the average Facebook user spends 35 minutes a day on the platform — which makes for a whole lot of daily and monthly minutes.

In a recently published study, a trio of Brigham Young University communications professors explores why.

“What is it about this social-media platform that has taken over the world?” asked lead author Tom Robinson. “Why are people so willing to put their lives on display? Nobody has ever really asked the question, ‘Why do you like this?'”

Based on subject responses, the research team identified four categories of Facebook users: relationship builders, town criers, selfies and window shoppers.

Relationship builders post, respond to others’ posts and use additional Facebook features primarily in an attempt to fortify relationships that exist beyond their virtual world. “They use it as an extension of their real life, with their family and real-life friends,” Robinson said. People in this group identified strongly with such statements as “Facebook helps me to express love to my family and lets my family express love to me.”

Town criers, on the other hand, experience a much larger gap between their real and virtual worlds. Unconcerned with sharing photos, stories or other information about themselves, they instead “want to inform everybody about what’s going on,” Robinson said. Like town criers from days of yore, “they’re pushing out information.” They repost news stories, announce events — but may otherwise neglect their profile pages, preferring to update family and friends through alternative means.

Selfies use Facebook to self promote. Like relationship builders, they post pictures, videos and text updates — but unlike relationship builders, they’re focused on getting attention, likes and comments. Study participants in this category identified highly with the statement “The more ‘like’ notification alarms I receive, the more I feel approved by my peers.” Selfies, said study co-author Kris Boyle, use the platform “to present an image of themselves, whether it’s accurate or not.”

Window shoppers, like town criers, feel a sense of social obligation to be on Facebook but rarely post personal information. Unlike town criers, these users, said study co-author Clark Callahan, “want to see what other people are doing. It’s the social-media equivalent of people watching.” Window shoppers identified with such statements as “I can freely look at the Facebook profile of someone I have a crush on and know their interests and relationship status.”

For this study, the researchers compiled a list of 48 statements identifying potential reasons people use Facebook. Subjects sorted the statements in a way that reflected their personal connection to the ideas, then rated each statement on a scale from “most like me” to “least like me.” Finally, the researchers interviewed each subject to get a deeper understanding of their rankings and ratings.

Though previous Facebook-related research has explored users with relationship-builder and selfie characteristics, Robinson said, the town criers and window shoppers were an unexpected find. “Nobody had really talked about these users before, but when we thought about it, they both made a lot of sense.”

Facebook users may identify to some degree with more than one category — Boyle noted that most people have at least some selfie tendencies, for example. But users typically identify more with one than others. “Everybody we’ve talked to will say, ‘I’m part of this and part of this, but I’m mostly this,'” said Robinson, who calls himself a relationship builder.

So what’s the value in the label?

“Social media is so ingrained in everything we do right now,” Boyle said. “And most people don’t think about why they do it, but if people can recognize their habits, that at least creates awareness.”

What Kind of Mom You’re Going to Be Based on Your Zodiac Sign

Motherhood, particularly the idea of motherhood, can be a scary thing. While you might want to be a mom, see yourself as a mom, and even act sometimes like a mom—to bring a kid into this world is a big leap of faith. But what kind of mom will you be? The AstroTwins delve right into that very topic—and even how to raise different signs/quiet those tantrums—in their book Momstrology. Here, a look at the type of mom you’re destined to be.