E. Jean Life Advice – Late Night Hook Up Advice

Dear E. Jean: What’s the club etiquette when an attractive guy moves in close and starts petting my hips 10 minutes after he introduces himself to me? I’m not a prude, but I’d like to at least know a guy before he feels me up! Should I tell him off? I’ve tried both ways: Recently when it happened, I told the guy, “Keep your hands to yourself!” and he lost interest. And when a second guy did it, I pretended his hands weren’t on me and he stayed interested. What should I do?

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After-Hours Etiquette Girl

After-Hours, Girl: Piffle! You don’t go to clubs for the “etiquette.” You go to clubs to be playful. You go to clubs to be daring. You go to clubs to be indecorous in the dark.

Of course, if a dude starts plucking at you like you’re a viola, fie! fie! Give him a knee in the groin. But if you like a lad? And he shoots his arm about you and starts playing patty-cake on your posterior? Reach around, clasp his hand, smile into his eyes, pull his hand off, and—hold it. Entwine your fingers with his. This move is so disarming, it’s practically kinky.

But really now, come on. If a chap in a club doesn’t put his arm around you, nestle in to you rakishly like he’s leaning on a golf club, drop his voice, talk the most ridiculous nonsense, and run his hand up and down your back so expertly that you discover, when you stagger outside into the moonlight at 2:30 a.m., that you are no longer wearing a bra, then that chap is not—just a moment! Who says it’s always a chap? If you get a chance to kiss a soft, fragrant girl, do it. You may not get the opportunity again.

This letter is from the E. Jean archive.

E. Jean Relationship Advice – Throwing a Big Wedding

Dear E. Jean: I’m engaged. He comes from old money—and all the dust that comes with it. We are planning on having a child, but first we must marry or the child won’t be eligible to receive the family inheritance governed by a trust drawn up more than a century ago.

My boyfriend does not like weddings. (He called off a previous engagement because he was traumatized by the over-the-top nuptial arrangements.) He’s the sweetest man in the world, but when I bring up the subject, he will not cooperate, and asks, “Can’t we please just go to the courthouse?”

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We both love big parties, balls, traveling to beautiful places, and dressing in fine clothes, so I don’t see why I can’t change his mind about a wedding. Should I just give in and go to the courthouse? —There Goes the Bride

Bride, You Attractive Young Fathead: Auntie Eeee is clutching her brow.

Here we have a chap—”the sweetest man in the world,” who has inherited sacks of old money and wishes to get hitched—and you want to “change his mind”? A big wedding, forsooth!

Hell, Reader, I will marry him, if you don’t.

Stop jabbering about bells and churches. Pay attention to what this excellent man is saying. Remember that this is his wedding too, and get thee to the courthouse. I believe that the two of you—although you will be absolutely stinking rich—have as great a chance at happiness and all the domestic blessings as anyone.

P.S. You may start planning your three-year-anniversary party with your 467-
person guest list, Jamie Oliver catering, vow-renewal officiated by Rihanna, etc. when you return from your honeymoon.

This letter is from the E. Jean archive.

Researchers advise caution about recent US advice on aggressively lowering blood pressure

Medical researchers are advising caution when treating blood pressure in some older people — after results from a study contrasted with recent advice from the US, based on the SPRINT trial, to attempt to aggressively lower blood pressure in all adults to targets of 120mmHg.

Worst Sex Advice Ever on Reddit

I got the worst sex advice of my life from an older girl at school—you know, the kind of seemingly experienced girl who smoked cigarettes and answered pressing questions from middle-schoolers, like “What’s a blow job?” One of her gems pertained to making a man feel sexy. She advised squeezing his biceps during a hook-up, “so he feels strong.”

Once I got the chance, I regularly employed this tip, clamping onto my college boyfriend’s arms like a desperate, sexy crab. I thought I was being smooth. But a month into our relationship, while joking around, he did an impression of me and started grabbing at my arms. I was caught.

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Sex advice is difficult territory, because everyone’s different. Maybe someone out there would have loved my arm-grabbing moves, but this guy definitely didn’t. However, there is some sex advice so bad, so baffling, that absolutely no one should listen to it. And these days, rather than taking questionable tips from a bad-girl elder as gospel, people can turn to the internet to verify any odd-sounding suggestions.

More specifically, on Reddit, people have been very open about the worst sex advice they have ever received. We’ve scoured the examples to bring you some of the worst, most horrific tips that people shared on the site. Just promise us you won’t listen to any of this? Okay, good.

“‘If you sleep with more than 5 guys, you’re going to wake up one morning when you’re 35 and hate yourself.’ —my mom to 16-year-old me.”

Teenagers often hear this kind of slut-shamey advice—especially teenage girls. And maybe it has come true for some people. But you know what’s probably making those 35-year-olds hate themselves? A culture that tells women their value lies in virginity and sexual “purity” rather than encouraging them to make their own informed choices about who—and how many people—they sleep with.

“Pee inside the girl after you finish, but before you pull out so you don’t have to use a condom. The ammonia in your urine will neutralize the sperm.”

Oh my god. No. This is not how chemicals or sperm or bodies work. First of all, Madeleine Castellanos, M.D. told Buzzfeed that urinating into a vagina could lead to infection. Planned Parenthood does not seem to believe that urine works as a spermicide and explains that, even if it did, “once the semen goes into the vagina, there’s nothing you can do to get it back out again.” So, once more, for those at the back: This is not a valid form of birth control.

“His explanation was that he didn’t know it was also frustrating for a woman to have all that build up without a release. He didn’t know sex doesn’t end after the man cums.”

Here’s one man’s excuse for stopping sex as soon as he had an orgasm, to the chagrin of his wife. On its own, this isn’t advice per se—rather, it’s evidence of a guy who has either received very bad advice or no advice at all. Who told him this? And why haven’t they been sent to sex jail yet?

“Never make the first move. Or the second. Or the third. Guys will think you’re desperate.”

Unfortunately, this is another common piece of advice for girls, since they’re often told that the worst thing they can be is someone who wants sex. Of course, nobody should have to make the first move if they’re uncomfortable! But how many women have bailed on potential partners or experiences out of fear that they’ll be seen as wanting something? Probably quite a few.

“Had an Army buddy tell me he tests whether a girl has an STD or not by fingering her with ear wax on his finger. He said if it caused her pain, she had one.”

Someone else in this thread said that a different person in the army had given him exactly the same advice, so what the hell is going on in the army? Please do not do this, especially without letting the woman know first. And a far easier way to figure out would be to get tested and just talk about your sexual histories beforehand. Imagine!

“Bite the clit”

No. Nope. Unless someone requests it, don’t bite anything—but especially not genitalia.

“My friend was telling me about a time she went to a cute guy’s place to hook up. While on his bed with minimal clothing, he licks his hand and slaps her vag. It killed the mood for her, and she left.”

Another one from the Who Told You This Files. Porn and bad manners are likely to blame for this. Of course, there are people out there who would probably enjoy this manoeuvre! But unless someone explicitly says, “Hey babe, I’d love it if you licked your hand and slapped my vulva,” maybe just assume they don’t want you to do that.

“Pop rocks + blow job = never again”

Yeast Infection city.

Packing Tips and Advice from Packing Expert and Blogger Hitha Palepu

Welcome to “The Perfect,” ELLE.com‘s weekly roundup, where we lay out exactly what you’ll need for the perfect outfit, shopping list, Saturday night, or whatever it may be. In a shopping landscape where the options are endless, consider it a complete snapshot of must-haves.

Believe it or not, there’s so much more to packing than considering what you might want to wear while you’re away and tossing it all in your suitcase. “It takes some planning, but you can absolutely pack for 10 days in a carry-on,” explained Hitha Palepu, an expert who’s wrote the book, literally, on smart packing (How to Pack, amazon.com). “I’m a big proponent of packing clothes that can be worn in multiple looks, and for trips with a lot of single-wear outfits, especially weddings, you can squeeze 3-5 days in a carry-on suitcase,” she told ELLE.com.

“I was traveling on a weekly basis for my work at a pharmaceutical company. Each trip was different and often had multiple pit stops: a pitch meeting, a manufacturing facility tour, internal meetings. Packing in a carry-on was a must when you’re expected to move quickly and efficiently, but not a reason to sacrifice my personal style,” says Palepu. A year of suitcase trial-and-error resulted in a method she wound up sharing with others on her blog, an experience that proved the hunger for help is real (“Tips for power-packing have become my most viewed and shared content”). Here, an entry-level class on perfecting your packing game.

Dressing Up for Boyfriend – E. Jean Advice on Putting Effort in Appearance Once You’re in a Relationship

Dear E. Jean: My boyfriend asks why I don’t dress up like I once did. He says he longs for “the good old days” when I showed I cared about him. But the truth is, I’m just so comfortable with him that I feel I can be myself. E. Jean, must I put on a dress and mascara?

E. Jean: Yes, you must. You’ll look great in the dress. He’ll feel great that you dressed up, and nothing will be as great as you both coming home together and putting on your old pajamas.

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