I got the worst sex advice of my life from an older girl at school—you know, the kind of seemingly experienced girl who smoked cigarettes and answered pressing questions from middle-schoolers, like “What’s a blow job?” One of her gems pertained to making a man feel sexy. She advised squeezing his biceps during a hook-up, “so he feels strong.”
Once I got the chance, I regularly employed this tip, clamping onto my college boyfriend’s arms like a desperate, sexy crab. I thought I was being smooth. But a month into our relationship, while joking around, he did an impression of me and started grabbing at my arms. I was caught.
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Sex advice is difficult territory, because everyone’s different. Maybe someone out there would have loved my arm-grabbing moves, but this guy definitely didn’t. However, there is some sex advice so bad, so baffling, that absolutely no one should listen to it. And these days, rather than taking questionable tips from a bad-girl elder as gospel, people can turn to the internet to verify any odd-sounding suggestions.
More specifically, on Reddit, people have been very open about the worst sex advice they have ever received. We’ve scoured the examples to bring you some of the worst, most horrific tips that people shared on the site. Just promise us you won’t listen to any of this? Okay, good.
“‘If you sleep with more than 5 guys, you’re going to wake up one morning when you’re 35 and hate yourself.’ —my mom to 16-year-old me.”
Teenagers often hear this kind of slut-shamey advice—especially teenage girls. And maybe it has come true for some people. But you know what’s probably making those 35-year-olds hate themselves? A culture that tells women their value lies in virginity and sexual “purity” rather than encouraging them to make their own informed choices about who—and how many people—they sleep with.
“Pee inside the girl after you finish, but before you pull out so you don’t have to use a condom. The ammonia in your urine will neutralize the sperm.”
Oh my god. No. This is not how chemicals or sperm or bodies work. First of all, Madeleine Castellanos, M.D. told Buzzfeed that urinating into a vagina could lead to infection. Planned Parenthood does not seem to believe that urine works as a spermicide and explains that, even if it did, “once the semen goes into the vagina, there’s nothing you can do to get it back out again.” So, once more, for those at the back: This is not a valid form of birth control.
“His explanation was that he didn’t know it was also frustrating for a woman to have all that build up without a release. He didn’t know sex doesn’t end after the man cums.”
Here’s one man’s excuse for stopping sex as soon as he had an orgasm, to the chagrin of his wife. On its own, this isn’t advice per se—rather, it’s evidence of a guy who has either received very bad advice or no advice at all. Who told him this? And why haven’t they been sent to sex jail yet?
“Never make the first move. Or the second. Or the third. Guys will think you’re desperate.”
Unfortunately, this is another common piece of advice for girls, since they’re often told that the worst thing they can be is someone who wants sex. Of course, nobody should have to make the first move if they’re uncomfortable! But how many women have bailed on potential partners or experiences out of fear that they’ll be seen as wanting something? Probably quite a few.
“Had an Army buddy tell me he tests whether a girl has an STD or not by fingering her with ear wax on his finger. He said if it caused her pain, she had one.”
Someone else in this thread said that a different person in the army had given him exactly the same advice, so what the hell is going on in the army? Please do not do this, especially without letting the woman know first. And a far easier way to figure out would be to get tested and just talk about your sexual histories beforehand. Imagine!
“Bite the clit”
No. Nope. Unless someone requests it, don’t bite anything—but especially not genitalia.
“My friend was telling me about a time she went to a cute guy’s place to hook up. While on his bed with minimal clothing, he licks his hand and slaps her vag. It killed the mood for her, and she left.”
Another one from the Who Told You This Files. Porn and bad manners are likely to blame for this. Of course, there are people out there who would probably enjoy this manoeuvre! But unless someone explicitly says, “Hey babe, I’d love it if you licked your hand and slapped my vulva,” maybe just assume they don’t want you to do that.
“Pop rocks + blow job = never again”
Yeast Infection city.